2p! Hetalia: AEMM The Cell Block Tango
by Mewithyouforever
Summary: Join Al, Emily, Matt, and Maddie in a normal night at their house. SONGFIC! Some bad words. My friend and I though of this together. Total crack.


It was a normal night at the A.E.M.M household. I was washing the dishes because my no good, lazy-ass brother Al wouldn't.

"Hey Maddie," Al yelled.

"The fuck do you want ass?" I turn and see him holding mine and Matt's laptop.

"I found a song for us to sing. Matt, Emily! Get out here!"

"What are you doing Al?" It wasn't like the dark-redhead to sing – more or less with the rest of us.

"What the fuck Al," "What do you want douche?" Matt and Emily chorused as they tramped downstairs. Everyone was confused as Al just smirked.

"Trust me, I'm spinning one everybody knows," Al hit play on my laptop. He struck his first pose. The rest of us just looked at each other, smiled, and filed into place.

"Pop," Al sang.

"Six," I followed.

"Squish," Emily sang after.

"Ah – huh," Matt sang with a French accent.

"Sisaro," Al and Emily chorused.

"Luciano," Matt and I finished. Somewhere in the living room, we knew that Vincent and Oliver were watching; Vincent began his part, "And now, the four merry murders of the A.E.M.M. household in their rendition of the Cell Block Tango." The music played as we each did our thing, slowly gaining speed as the song got louder.

"They had it coming, they had it coming! They only had themselves to blame If you had been there, if you had seen it, I bet you would have done the same!" We sang in perfect sync. After a few moves and poses each, Al stepped forward.

"You know how everyone has these habits that get you down. Like, Oliver. Oliver liked to make cupcakes." This sent Oliver into a fit of giggles. "No, not make, bake! So one day, I come home and I'm fucking pissed and I'm looking for some normal food, and there is Oliver in the kitchen, making cupcakes. No, not making, _baking_!" All the while Al is doing his thing, Oliver is giggling, and the rest of us are frozen in place.

"So I say to him 'you bake one more cupcake,' and he did. So I took my bat from the wall and swung two warning swings, into his head!" Al's final pose sent Oliver over the edge.

"He had it coming, he had it coming! He had it coming all along! If you had been there, if you had seen it, I bet you would have done the same!" Al finished his part and fell in line. I stepped forward.

"I meet Vincent Bonifay in Paris, France about two years ago. He told me he was single, and we hit it off right away." This never failed to make Vincent scoff.

"So we started living together. He'd go to work, come home, I'd fix him a drink, and we'd have dinner; until I found out." I stomped my foot to emphasize my point.

"Single he told me! Singe my ass! Not only was he taken, oh no, he had six whores. One of those mafias you know? So that night when he came home from work, I fixed him his drink, as usual. Unfortunately, he could hold his arsenic." The others came forward to sing the chorus with me.

"He had it coming, he had it coming! He took a flower in its prime! And then he used it, and he abused it, it was an attempt but not a crime!" Al, Matt and I all stepped back to give Emily the spotlight.

"Now I'm standing in the kitchen, craving up tofu for dinner, minding my own business. Now my husband Arthur," Everyone cracked up at this, Emily smirked.

"Stormed in a jealous rage. 'You have been screwing Ivan!' he said. He was crazy and he kept screaming 'you have been screwing Ivan!' Then he ran into my bat. He ran into my bat fifteen times."

Again, we all sang, "If you had been there, if you hade seen it, you would have done the same!" Now it was Matt's turn.

Matt sang in perfect French while dancing gracefully. He went for the jump – and promptly fell on his ass. Everyone laughed, even Vincent. Through the giggles, Emily said her part, "Yeah, but did you do it?"

"Ah-huh, so guilty!" Matt smiled psychotically.

Al and Emily stepped forward and Matt and I sang a light backup, "He had it coming,"

Emily started, "My brother Al and I had this double act, and our boyfriends Ivan and Kiku traveled around with us. For the last number in our act we did one hundred acrobatic tricks in a row,"

"One, two, three, four, five; front flips, back flips, splits, flip flops, spread eagles, one right after the other." Al sang. "One night before the show, we're down at the hotel Sisaro,"

Emily continued, "The four of us, boozing, having a few laughs, and we run out of ice. So, Al and I go out to get some,"

"We come back, open the door," Al interrupts, "And there is Ivan and Kiku, doing number 69,"

"The spread eagle!" They sang together

"Now, we were in such a state of shock, we both blacked out. Neither of us remembers a thing." Emily picked up.

"It wasn't until later; when we were washing the blood off our bats we even knew they were dead!" Al finished.

Al and Emily took half of the chorus, Matt and I took the other half and stepped forward for our duet.

I sang first, "We loved Luciano more then we could possibly say,"

"He was a real dangerous guy, a knife expert." Matt continued.

I took over again, "But he was always trying to find himself and along the way he found Elizaveta,"

"Natalia," Matt said.

"Lili," I followed.

"And Lutz." Matt finished.

"You could say we broke up because of killing differences," I sang.

"He saw himself as alive,"

"And we saw him dead!" Both Matt and I said together. For the final chorus we all sang.

"The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum! They had it coming! They had it coming! They had it coming all along! They used us and they abused us, how could you tell us that we were wrong?"

"Pop,"

"Six,"

"Squish,"

"Ah-huh,"

"Sisaro,"

"Luciano."

We finished in perfect timing. When the song ended, we were all panting.

"So, that was fun. Thanks Al," I pant.

"Welcome Maddie. Next week?" Al asked.

"Duh," Emily said.

"Whatever," Matt said and went back upstairs with Emily following. Al went out side and I smiled and finished the dishes. Just a normal night at the A.E.M.M. house.


End file.
